Some Reasons Why it is Harder for a Couple to stay Married Now than Before

by

Fred McCaleb

To start with, I do not pose as an expert on marriage.In the recent past most
all societies have come to the conclusion that the best way for the male and
female population to get along together is by marriage, or one female for one
male. The institution of marriage and family is being challenged in Western
cultures. The establishment of a family by marriage and the responsibility for
the offspring is under severe siege. In marriage there was a wedding agreement
to be kept. The following will try to present challenges to the marriage
promises.
The partners in a modern marriage have RIGHTS.The courts have told them so.
Hollywood has shown(instilled) the notion that it is good to have as many
partners as desired, that marriage is not necessary at all. Many stars get
enough salary to act out all their whims. The national legislature has provided
help for poor black and white females that have babies out of wedlock. After
all, these people have RIGHTS also. Why mess with a husband when the government
can take care of your wants at the expense of the taxpayer? There are plenty of
RIGHTS out there, but RESPONSIBILITY is seldom mentioned.
Morals and responsibility were drilled into children early on in the old times.
They were necessary for the family to survive, especially farming families. The
farming population was the majority of the people then. All farm children, that
were able, had to work. Working young children would be violating their RIGHTS
under the law today. The modern child grows up without much, if any,
responsibilities at home. He or she has RIGHTS superceding the parents, and the
parents don't have anything much for them to do anyway. Modern instruments do
most of what used to be the work around the house. So maybe there is some
responsibility toward school and sports by some children, but for many there
isn't much to do but look at TV and go wild (back to the jungles) with other
children whose parents have left them to fend for themselves. The parents or
state have provided financial security without any responsibility, either moral
or economic, being asked of the child.
Economics comes as a shocker to the newly married modern couple. They have been
used to "living it up big" at home. They feel like they have the RIGHT to own an
auto, house, and everything bigger and more perfect than the parents. They want
all this to start with, and are not willing to work years for same. Man and
wife need an auto. The wife has to work, and many make a larger salary than
their husbands. Soon they are in debt for a lifetime. They are in the Garden of
Eden and can't make out. They begin to quarrel about who owes what, and start
feeling horrible about each other. So one exercises his RIGHT to get out and
seek another partner of similar characteristics. Getting into the same jam
again always amazed me.
Human relationship is probably more a problem today than in old times, although
it was there all along. Many of the oldsters took the Bible as final authority
on ways to act or live. Today it is situation ethics--decide what is "best
Truth" under present situation. There is the belief that no Truth can be found
in the Bible greater than an individual arrival at truth. With no standard,
Truth is anything each individual decides. So backward we go to the
superprimitive. Going to the jungles should be fun for the ones that don't lose
their lives? On this principle, marriage becomes a battle as to whose RIGHTS and
TRUTHS will prevail. Many of the old people argued and endured marriage. Some
called their mates "The Old Battle Ax." Some even enjoyed a good argument and
stuck in there "till death do us part." Others took it joyfully without
question or argument. They helped each other succeed. They were a Helpmete as
the Bible says. Not a helpmate.

If I had advice for the newly married I would say:

1. Don't expect too much of each other, or think that everything go your way.
That way you will never be disappointed.

2. When freshly married the courtship and make believe is over. Reality soon
sets in. Don't let that bother you.

3. You took your mate "for better or for worse." Always act as if the mate
is better than you thought. A little make believe in this area will go
a long way toward making a successful
marriage.

4. Pay for things as you purchase them. Credit buying puts one at a ten
percent disadvantage in life from an economic
standpoint. Credit buying is a big minus in successful
marriage.

5. Be thoughtful and above board in all dealings. Practice no
deceit or running around.

6. When things go wrong, don't blame your mate. He or she feels
better thinking they are trying to do the best they know how.

7. If tensions grow high and anger flares; take a walk, ride a
bike, or do some other physical exercise. Exercise is a good medicine
for messed up thinking and emotions. Of course it
would be good for both partners. It probably works about as
well as a marriage counselor. It clears up thinking.
P.S. My dad's only advice to me, other than being decent, was to examine a
woman's teeth and check out her health. Horse traders did mules and horses that
way back then. I think he was trying to tell me that good physical health is
important to make a marriage work. The medical profession gets every thing in a
physically unhealthy marriage. My wife turned out to be a pretty healthy horse!

There is much more about marriage than this, but this is some of my thinking.
Take or leave it as you please.

by Fred McCaleb July 1995